Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Unforgivable Blogging Sins

Screenshot- how I write a paper.

As of late, I have begun to take this blogging thing a little more seriously; when I realized this afternoon that I didn't have any posts in the queue &; the blog would therefore lie silent for at least four days, I spent the time (before going to the theater I would normally use to select an outfit) writing content for you guys. I am committed to you, whomever you are. It probably has something to do with the fact that 73% of the pageviews this thing has had in its life have come in the past month.

Since I am taking it more seriously, I am beginning to abide by certain rules. These rules are ones that I have always applied unconsciously to content that I read, but until lately haven't been able to face following myself. In order of importance, here they are:

Cristina - Sits M Style with a Nascar Bong on a Peacock Throne Under a Vintage HiFi Behind a Huge Bag of Weed & Mis-Mascotted Crunch Berries Between 3 Masks, a Wooden Owl, Maps of Arkanas & Kansas & Portraits of Isaac Newton as a Stoner &...

Poor Grammar. If I have to read a sentence more than once for clarity, & it happens more than once inside a document, I am going to close this window & go somewhere else. There are many, many other things on the internet for me to read, & to be perfectly frank there are at least six other people out there saying the exact same thing. So make it concise, as what you are telling me is probably a waste of the time I should have been spending on something else.

Uinteresting/Unfunny/Unengaging Content. Pictures of your dog? Reflections on just how 'like, totally deep it is to take photos of snow'? Mini poems about how much you love your Boyfriend? Unless you are fiercely articulate and/or hilarious (or are already wildly famous), nobody gives a shit. Anybody can wax poetic about the changing of the seasons, or how nice it is to drink tea in your friends living room. Write that shit down in your journal, where somebody who actually cares will read it & remember.

Blogging Inconsistently You know what I resent more than an interesting, well-written blog that is updated once a month? NOTHING. There is nothing more irritating on the entire Internet than interesting content which just... stops appearing (& I'm including comments on YouTube videos here, this is how serious I am). If your content stops appearing I am going to stop visiting your website- not just because I hate you, but because I will have forgotten about you.

Autoplay: Autoplay? Are you fucking serious? I thought everybody realized how uncool that was when Geocities exploded. If I am surfing the internet idly, there is a good chance I am also listening to my own music. Even if I wasn't, your midi rendition of Spanish Flea earns your website an immediate window close. Anybody who displays such an active disinterest in my auditory space is probably also going to commit sins numbers one and two.

LOGO2.0 part I

Too Much Shit in the Sidebar: I get it, some of us are trying to make a quick buck off of this thing, but I'm not really interested in your Amazon wishlist, your flickr uploads, AND your Twitter, as well as Flixin, Digg News, & Skype. After a certain point, all those words in the sidebar are confusing & distracting, & make me want to leave. Because I am stupid.

No accredidation to Original Artists: This I do not fucking understand. This is absolutely unforgivable. Do you write this blog anonymously (maybe you do)? Do you care if people can find your work again? I find Tumblr morally repellent because it is impossible to find out more information about a piece of art I like. If you don't link back to the place you found the artwork you are using, then you are obviously a thief & a liar, & do not care to support artists. 

No Outside Links This one is last because I can sometimes let it slide, but how difficult is it to open a new tab as you write & provide links to cross-reference what you are saying? I know that my very favorite blog always provides links inside the article to other relevant pieces, allowing me to do what the internet is really for: Falling down a digital wormhole & sitting up at 2 AM knowing much more about when Mr. Rogers takes his nap than when I started out.

Jessica Joslin’s Hybrids at La Luz De Jesus

1 comment:

Jonathan said...

way 2 go beth! tho, feel like u would have 'put the last nail in the coffin' if u linked those blogs just to grandstand.