Friday, October 22, 2010

Dear Graduate School

Dear Graduate School Admissions Person-

Well, I guess I'm writing to you because I've heard a lot about you. Some of my friends have already joined you, but I'm not sure yet- you seem too similar to that tiring nemesis Undergrad, from my last boxing match,  to take on right away. My mother tells me not to wait too long to take you on, which makes you sound like a baby. Are you like a baby? Are you going to scream all night so I can't sleep and shit in your pants? Because that's pretty unacceptable.

Anyway, I want to be an artist. I like to draw stuff, but sometimes I like to make stuff too. Will you teach me how to do that? I don't really want an open studio where I am allowed to create. I need a teacher. I guess I'm not that smart.

I also need you to force me to buy photoshop and teach me how to use it, so I can write a webcomic and become internet famous.

Can I also earn a degree in library science in my spare time? I mentioned it to my mother once, and she printed out an application to **** Uni and left it on my desk, and I really don't want to go there, but if I don't apply to you she's probably going to disown me as lazy and stupid.

Oh, and can you guarantee I will have a job as soon as I graduate? Ideally, I want to have my school paid off in the same amout of time it took me to get my diploma, meaning I need my starting salarly to be twice as much as my yearly tuition.

Anyway, those are my requirements. In exchange, I can offer myself as a good worker when I care about the subject, and a law abiding, book ruining citizen of your supposedly esteemed institution.


Bef with an F

No comments: